Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Thoughts on a Heavy Heart.

Sometimes, maybe, hearts must become heavy. Like the fruit that ripens as it ages. A short life which is a process of growth and degeneration till falling it spreads like a burst stomach its seed on the ground or a creature comes and mercifully consumes it still passing seeds in a perfect cycle But this is only during a season, which passes, the broken fruit plants new seeds that grow more fruit. If the heart doesn't f all and shatter it remains. If the wind doesn't pluck the heart in a storm of a breeze, if a creature doesn't eye hungrily the ripened sheen, it remains clinging to vine or limb growing old in the heat. Eventually though, no matter how long it clings to the comforts of the branch, it will rot, and wither. It is as a skeleton clinging bitterly and remorsefully to its progenitor who silently watches, wise in its own experience.

So, maybe, all hearts must be. Heavy laden in order to crash upon the knobby roots below, to spill its contents from behind all defense of skin and bone. Can this be stopped? Maybe it is better to feel than to wither and rot. To face coming emotions full on with feet steadied in God's will. Confront it in its greedy glare and allow it to pass to through towards growth. Perhaps all this is done so another day may be lived more fully than the last.


postscript: Don't worry and take this as introspection into a troubled, tortured soul, all is well, Im just trying to live.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Whispers of Ice and Snow

This morning the wind bit through my jacket. Held tightly against my still waking body by the strap of my bookbag, the corduroy did little to impede the chill air. The pleasant side effect was a blast of cold air on eyes dried from cheap heat turned on high in the night.

A friend of mine, much more awake then I, came bounding towards me.
'Dude, what the heck?' he said, hands firmly in his pockets searching for warmth, 'Its friggin' cold, and check out in front of fisher'

Before I could muster a tired reply he had passed me for the warmer climes of the dorm.

For those of you more distant than Harbison Blvd. or Jammin Java, and may not of heard the momentous event that took place outside of fisher, I shall henceforth describe the glorious scene.

Sprinklers left on in the night had delightfully left the whole Quad radiant in the hastening light. The yard of grass and the bushes closest to sprinklers shone like a dew of diamonds dancing from boughs of tree to blades of grass. Amazingly, despite my illustrious and over dramatic description, the whole scene only drew a small crowd as people passed commented excitingly, and hurried to their classes. After briefly taking in the scene (we're talking seconds here) I moved on, hoping to find a seat before the lecture began.

After class my roommate, Mac, and I hurried to grab our respective cameras to attempt to capture the scene. To my utter disappointment I left the memory card and was forced to capture the few remaining patches of Ice in the evening (thus the pictures on this blog).

As Mac laid on the ground, precariously perched under looming stalagmites of Ice taking pictures. Momentarily musing on the scene I was reminded of the last time I had seen Ice.

A portion of Christmas Break for me this year was spent trapped in a snowbound house in the mountains of Colorado. My father and I drove the 24 (app) hour drive straight through to beat the incoming storm. Despite some sliding in Kansas, we made it a good 7 hours ahead of the storm and managed to bunker ourselves in for the predicted heavy snow fall.

Awaking the morning after our arrival I looked out my window to see a good 8 inches of snow, which is a sight, if like me you have never experienced such wonders. Fires stoked and breakfast finished, the snow began to slow down from a white wall to a steady snow shower.

A tradition I have when we go to Colorado is to make the jaunt out to the Rocks about a half mile away. This Rock outcropping clears the trees and gives you a view over the valley and at night the most brilliant stars for casual or professional gazing.

Deciding to continue this habit, I bundled in my ski Jacket and scarf, grabbed gloves and camera, and headed into the white. Reaching the rocks I dug through the snow searching for hand holds on the slick rock, brushing away the snow that was light so that one could almost imagine the same sensations as sweeping away air. I managed to get up the rock face which had turned from jagged outcropping to a deceptive smooth snowy slope, by finding the cracks and wedging my feet to leverage my way to the top, a fifteen square foot cap to the rock.

The silence, if you will excuse the cliche, was loud. I fond myself enveloped in a swirl of wind, white, and snow, the valley turned into a blank canvas of white that upon closer observation reveals itself to be a masterpiece of subtle shades ever shifting under the artist's directions.

Floods, storms, earthquakes, volcanoes, all these natural disasters announce themselves with a terrible tremor or loud thunder. To the end that people move, to shelter, for help, in desperation. But snow is different. Snow is a blanket of white that manages to make everything cease its activity even more effectively then more destructive forces of nature. With a whisper of ice and Snow, everything ceases its tireless activity. Man's achievements are left bound in a material as simple as water and little heavier than the air that it descends through. Cars stop working, everyone hunkers down. Birds, and other animals wisely seek out shelter. When it snows, the world stops.

The majesty of this event is that it happens not in a roar or a rush (though sometimes a whistle) but awed by the power evidenced around me in the silence, I wondered if this wasn't the ultimate act of divine power. That God with a whisper of Ice and snow humbles the world of man. Then with a inaudible rush of warmth allows it to resume.

Finished with his pictures, we left the other photographers and fellow Gawkers. Mac and I headed back to the room. I rushed, my pace quickened by a desire to use the time faster as the day resumed.










Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Dusting off the blog



So here I am. Valentines Day. With my birthday fast approaching I am rushing to get my work done. One paper down. Two more to go. For all you out there who periodically check in to view my musings on (the ones which have been absent for a while) here are some thoughts and updates for today.

Postmodernism Vs. Modernism

In our Christian culture this should be an irrelevant discussion. After all, the truth that we follow doesn't belong to either one. Jesus was Jewish, the Bible is Jewish, Our God is the God of Abraham and moses. So why do we constantly insist on seeing him as the God of Calvin and Luther. Or the God of Lewis and Macdonald. Geisler and Graham. It seems that we constantly misrepresent the Gospel because we hold it to close to the bosom of our culture.

Then as we struggle to free the Truth from being twisted by an intertwining with the world, we end taking simply one step back, or one step forward, instead of one step away. We react two ways in the church as culture shifts. We go back or forward. In reaction to a shift in culture (which by the way we are powerless to stop) we either affirm a postmodern Christianity and reject modern Christianity, or we Reject postmodernism and cling stubbornly to our modern way of doing things. The problem is that we simply miss the point. If God has revealed himself, then he has revealed some facet of truth. If It is truth relative to God then because God is immutable, so then are the truths immutable. If these truths are immutable then they should be true no matter your cultural epistemology.

Modernism and Postmodernism are two terms used to describe periods of time when certain philosophies and epistemology dominated cultural thought. Before modernism, you have the premodernism of Augustine, then before that the Classicism of the Greeks. But the epistemology of each mindset only applies to the presuppositions of that time period. Each time period certainly has thier own presuppositions. If Truth must be found through only ONE epistemology, then what does that say for epistemology outside of western culture. In order to spread the truth do we convert all cultures first to our presuppositions on the workings of the world and then teach them truth? Let me clarify presuppositions. I mean ethics, values, family structure, functions, learning. All these things are tied not to truth but to culture. Clearly this model has failed as missionaries all around the globe have attempted this and failed. To convert a culture to western modernism, then teach them the gospel. If it is true, it should remain true despite cultural presuppositions. Like any culture, those presuppositions have to be challenged, but only in the context of truth vs. Presupposition and not in the context of presupposition vs presupposition.

So then the postmodern debate doesn't matter to us. Or shouldn't. People are postmodern. Thats fine, truth still applies. Postmodernism is not something we can simply reject, and on that same note neither is modernism. We must learn as a church not to protest everything, but to hold to truth, because the truth that has been revealed is the point. Centering our focus on anything else and we are simply missing point.

Schoolwork

Fewer hours= more work. Sadly this is my life at the moment. Work feels like dodging mortar shells as I struggle to stay focused and to work efficiently. My limits are being found and pushed, which is probably good.

Church Of the Apostles

I recently started attending this Anglican church and have been incredibly blessed to be a part of it. I am determined to make this my new permanent church. Meeting in a small auditorium of the State Museum, liturgy is worship, not tradition. Praise music mixes with doctrinal hymns not as preferred styles, but as worship. Its alien to me having grown up in a ev-free church with very contemporary services. Its refreshing in so many ways to my heart.

Well theres my life at the moment, partially laid out for all to read. Enjoy!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

where I am

So I am here. So is fall. So goes life. Thanksgiving draws near with a looming sense of anxiety caused by pre-break exams, papers, and performances. I am overwhelmed by a desire to create and a sense of lacking the vocabulary to do such. Lyrics tease my mind and melodies my ears as I give chase, in order that I might wrest them from the my imagination and into tangible substance palatable to the senses. Maybe with any luck I might accomplish something someday. Tonight, is not that day. 25 hours left to the end of school. I could finish early, but am attempting an extra few hours to minor in humanities, this means philosophy for the next three semesters. I have some recording projects coming up. One for Mark Brant here at school and another with some prolific songwriter people I know. Look for updates on this in the next year. Lastly, as a summation of my interaction with fall thus far, please enjoy the following. (www.flickr.com/photos/musicelevationaddict)

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Brothers



So, brace yourself, I've changed.

I've been doing some thinking. About Brotherhood.

An Indonesian pastor named Somat was arrested along with the missionary he worked with for forcing christianity on the people. They were both innocent as they force no one to faith. Their sentence was for two years. The missionary, who was American and whose son goes to school here (hence my knowledge of the situation) was released several months ago. Somat has yet to be released. Since the missionary's release, prayer support and awareness has decreased. Why?

The book of Hebrews says we should remember those in prison (3:13 I think). But what got me really thinking about it was the fact that this Guy is my brother in Christ. I mean, he is out there Serving the Lord, and he was imprisoned for it. What would I do if that happened to my actual brother? Or to someone else I know? If this guy is my brother, I should support him like a brother should. If this guy is my brother, how can I look away? I wouldn't do that to my brother Josh. So I've been praying for him, and a group of us here are sending him some letters to encourage him and just try to build him up as he struggles with hope and staying strong when he is so alone in prison. We also shaved our heads. When they were transferred to a third prison they made shaved thier beards and hair. The missionary's son Matthew Rey who goes to school here, shaved his head with a group of guys he was working with and sent them a picture. When Somat saw the picture he was moved to tears that they did that for them. Its a simple act, but an powerful, encouraging one. So we shaved our heads for Somat. So he would know that he is not forgotten or alone. So he knows that people are still praying for him. So he knows his brothers are standing with him through this.

Keep Somat and his family (wife and two kids) in your prayers they are much needed.

So thats the story here. I think it looks pretty good actually :)


Monday, September 18, 2006

Psalm 94:18

I cry out (to you)
'my foot slips'
grip lost on things held near
my mind on my heart
the lines in my ears
I hear the pain feel the pain
(I think I love the pain)
feel the drain all the same hurt
but different names
calling you called my name
but falling its lost
the cost of living in the world
giving too much to people
too lost to save me
but they gave me
the drugs to numb the pain
pop culture like the rain
falls but is lost
in the game
we play
running away
fill the holes
to save our souls
it falls apart
glass breaking from a shot in the dark
my foot slips
Your Love held me up

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Boxes and the Razors edge


I feel like all we have in Christianity today is boxes. John Eldredge says that Christian men have been put in a box. He claims that in todays churches man is being forced into being efeminite weaklings who have lost the warrior nature that is a part of how God created us. Box to Box. Sure that sounds great, the church has boxed in what a Christian man should be; But I find fault in that box and propose that we take a nice big step to what men are actually supposed to be. Hurry, Hurry, step into the 'out of the box' box to avoid being trapped by the other box.....?.....

We seem to be addicted to closing everything in around us, we can't get enough of it. Take spirituality, we have it broken down into six steps. A nice tidy box to set our lives in order. but what if our lives aren't intended for perfect order? What if our lives aren't supposed to be balanced? What if God desires us to Know him, but not to figure him out completely? It seems to me that we kill a relationship if we assume we have the other person totally figured out. Maybe the unknown is there to be unknown. Things we may never know. God has revealed himself to us, this light shines in an otherwise dark room revealing the center of the room where we sit like little children fidgeting nervously and all too acutely aware of the dark in the corners. Unsatisfied with what he has shown us, we want to know what is in those dark corners. But he hasn't revealed that to us. Does that mean that we should than reason out what is most likely to be in those corners in order to satisfy our fears and curiousities? Maybe instead we should try to take the harder road of trusting God in what he has revealed to us. This is the Razor's edge.

It is a narrow road. A hard road to balance in that trust zone. Relying on what hes given us instead of what we think we've figured out. How much of the church's arguments and divisions are over what the bible says, and how many divisions are based on doctrine and theological difference? The difference I mean is that Doctrine and Theology is our systematic categorization of what is revealed and its possible ramifications for how everything works. Essentially shining our reason like flashlights into the corners of the dark room. So we are divided over things such as predestination or legalistic issues of clothing and dance, when the bigger issues, the important ones that lay at the tip of the razor's edge are all but ignored. Left to the pile of issues that are 'a given'. Instead we fight and sacrifice our church to divisions over issues that we invented to fill the gaps that God didn't reveal. When instead we should be clinging for dear life to live out the truth he have been given.

School Days

So here I am, Back at school. Ramen, coffee. Lots of Coffee. How fare I? Well. Not great but well. There are things that keep me sane. Longboarding, friends. The Grace of God. Its hard being back at school. Things have changed, or they seemed to have changed. Sometimes the revolution of change we face is actually only a slight shift in our perception of the world.
Some things are bad at this school now. Profs are tired. some are scared for thier job. There is some kind of huge disconnect in the whole administration here, but its hard to nail what it is. I don't know. Im just a student. What do I know. Maybe too much for what I need to be focusing on.

Something else thats hard to nail down I've been studying a lot of what worship is. I feel like there is some point we are missing. We are all saying the same thing over and over again, but were missing something. I don't know what it is. More on this later.

I've been thinking about moonlight. I was sitting one night out at the point and it cut through the dark lighting the ground with a pale glow. It didn't show everything in perfect detail, but was simply one of those full moons that showed you all you needed to know. Turning around, I saw a chain of lamps each casting a golden yellow glow for a five foot radius. At the edge of each glowing circle there was darkness. A deeper hue of dark, more unclear than that of the shadows cast by moonlit obstructions. Random thoughts cast out into the dorm room of a tired stressed student. More thoughts on this later.

Garden


She has her friends

She has her family

Her rooms A mess

But she doesn't care anymore

There is a garden where she dreams she will lay down and forget the days where she had a fine white Horse and a castle

She has her ways

She has her thoughts

they aren't the best

But she doesn't think about that

There is a place where she knows she can reach and forget about the days where it was all together