Delicate

Delicate
Originally uploaded by Dannybhoy

Maybe we are more fragile than we think.

Oh Inverted World!

Oh Inverted World!
Originally uploaded by Dannybhoy

A man says to his neighbor, 'I am a liar'. His neighbor replies, 'I have never lied'. Who would you trust more?

A man says to his neighbor, 'I care about the poor'. His neighbor says 'I care for people'. Who will help someone in need?

A man says to his neighbor 'I am a Christian, because I believe in God'. His neighbor says nothing and gives his coat to someone in need. Who knew better how to follow Christ?

Where Ive been and what I see. Jones Gap and Congaree Natl. Forest.

I held her
with awkward limbs accustomed
to more weight,
habits of work and time.
I daren't move
or shift about but little
lest I wake
and steal her from dreams
so gently
-10.23.07 DJO

Congaree Swamp Camp trip

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This past weekend I went camping with james, phil, and micheal at the Congaree Swamp Natl Park. Heres some shots, note the new tent/hammock which worked fantastic and kept me nice and dry.
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What's That? A Hint of Fall?

First, dear reader(s?), let me describe to you my surroundings. I sit in the computer lab at school, empty but for one other person who taps merrily at keys from around the corner. My legs are propped up on the desk in front of me and the thin chic dell keyboard is sitting on lap. For what ever reason the lab techs have apparently decided to not turn the lights on, but instead allow the natural light spilling from the broad windows facing campus to fill the room with a soft glow. The air outside is excited by a thread of chill air that seems to keep it constantly stirring. Like someone nervous with anticipation. All at once the feeling is tangible but constantly escaping, like smoke flowing and disappearing into the air around it. So a new season begins.
My current surroundings seem to reflect my mood, or maybe vice versa. I feel very relaxed, excited, but not anxious, moving but not rushed, content but not complacent. For the first time in a long time fall does not feel like a descent into the madness of school, but simply a slight shift in routine. I guess I am trying to say I feel very grounded. Having a home here seems to do that. For the first time, school and home are separate. I can come to school and do work, then leave and go home where I am free to relax and enjoy the evening without the constant blurring of lines. For whatever reason this distinction seems important to me. A necessary division so that neither the tension of work nor the relaxation of home overpowers the other.
I feel extremely motivated. I'm not sure why. Maybe I self actualized over the summer. I hear thats always motivating.
I've been thinking a lot, a usual past time for me that I indulge probably to the point of gluttony (although it should be noted here that quantity does not equal quality). And it has occurred to me that single people think about love and dating more than coupled people do. Probably because we are not busy embroiling ourselves in such practices, and thus are endowed with much more free time.
So i have been thinking a lot about love, arguing with professors about it discussing it with friends, turning it over and over till it doesn't make sense any more. Love to me is not the action, nor the emotion. It is not buying someone you love a gift or feeling like you are in love. these are the results of love. Love has got to be something much deeper. Something that cannot be imitated. Love to me is the core of our beings, the essence of what we do and why we do it. love is and its subject determines are actions. We are like mirrors half reflecting light. On one hand we reflect light, that is, God. He is the illumination of everything, he defines objects that otherwise would be shapeless in the dark. The light of God is the mother of beauty, and wherever beauty is found it is only reflects her inherited glory. On the other hand we reflect so much else, all darkness. Ourselves, lovers, objects, and in reflecting them we are enslaved. Coiled, trapped by the necessary reflection of this darkness. it is these competing loves, for God and all else that create a conflict within us. If we have a love of something in us, we have a desire to do an action. An emotion, and an action that is associated with that love. If we feel a strong emotion, it is because we are giving in to one love, it is tae. But it cannot completely take it all. this is where the choice occurs, If we have the love of God being over powered by the love of self, we do not act in opposition to to the emotion generated by love of self, but in favor of of the love of God and the emotion thus generated. Basically, love is never in opposition, but only in favor. Maybe this is a subtle distinction, but I believe it is important. It is not enough to say, Act against emotion. To act in Love is to automatically favor an emotion.

Even at a bible college you can feel the night.

Things I love at my house: The Backyard

 

Time Passing

The summer is flying by. Where does it go? My days are lost in painting and it seems most nights I end up with something going on. Cooking with Kelly, international cuisine experimentation with Hodges, Liz and Adam, Joel and Rachelle, Gary and all the rest. (Indian food was quite the success, more on that later) then theres the dancing....

I started dance lessons a few weeks ago. Berrett, Casie, Nathan Clinebelle, Heather Parsons, Brianne, Dylan, the Gentry's (all but Dr. Gentry who refuses to dance) and more. So far we have covered the Foxtrot and Rumba quite thoroughly. Tuesday nights just got so much more exciting.

In other news, my house flooded. really. sort of. This past Saturday a bunch of friends came over for indian food, (Chicken Moghul, Basmati Rice, and Naan)leaving the house still smelling of cardamom, garlic and bay leaves. After cooking the main dish (Its a group function) we began to finish up the Naan. It was about this time that the rain began to fall. (dramatic pause inserted here.) Mac, down from charlotte for the weekend had apparently run out to his car for some reason. Trying to assess whether his car was still out in the driveway or not, I opened the front door for a peak.

Now for those unfamiliar with my house, let me explain the walk way. From the gravel drive to the front patio is a sloping gravel path that ends in a small cement brick patio. The drive is coming down a hill where situated atop is the ol' family home of Mrs. Harrell, whose house I am renting. Now when we have a deluge such as the one on Saturday water tends to puddle right in front of the door. By puddle I of course mean a lake forms that swallows the bottom 3 feet of my walk.

Back to me opening the door. Turning the knob without a second thought and assured of dry earth by rainbows seen all my life, I opened the door and water immediately came into the house, spilling over the stoop and seeping across the carpet. I slammed the door shut, called for some towels and after seeing that the door was being properly stuffed with dry cloth, I grabbed my five way (a painters best friend which he should always have handy) and headed out to do my best.

The water seemed to instantly soak my shirt paints and hair. I leapt barefoot fromt he back door to the front over gardenias and azaleas to be greeted by a quickly growing body of water. I think Ill here after refer to it as Loch Harrell. Five way in hand and water running down my face in sheets I set to work digging drenches to let the water drain. Joel Eaton and Adam Talbot soon joined me, half naked and barefoot (Half clothed and unshoed?) and we set to work on clearing the water. After maybe fifteen minutes or so in the soaking rain we managed to divert the flow of water away from the porch and clear off enough water to be sure that it wasn't going to build up any more. Wet and manly in our water diverting abilities we re entered the back door victorious and just in time for the last few pieces of Naan to be finished. Dinner was a quite delicious.

I went with Mac to Mrs. Harrells house this afternoon to talk to her about what had just happened. It went over well and her and her handyman Jerry are going to look after it in the morning as well as a few other things....

Joel just brought his drumset down from New Hampshire, it was a ruckus filled afternoon as we just jammed for several hours beating out some blues and rock. One of my favorite afternoons this summer. It felt good to just crank up and jam.

Well thats all for today, I leave you with a thought from Eugene Peterson-

The Secularized mind is terrorized by mysteries, thus it makes lists, labels people, assigns roles, and solves problems. But a solved life is a reduced life...l

Thoughts on my mind

And the scholar said, Speak of Talking,
And he answered, saying:
You talk when you cease to be at peace
with your thoughts;
And when you can no longer dwell in the
solitude of your heart you live in your lips,
and sound is a diversion and a pastime.
And in much or your talking, thinking
is half murdered.
For thought is a bird of space, that in a
cage of words may indeed unfold its wings
but cannot fly.

there are those among you who seek
the talkative through fear of being alone.
The silence of aloneness reveals to
their eyes their naked selves and they would es-
cape
And there are those who talk, and with-
out knowledge or forethought reveal a truth
which they themselves do not understand.
And there are those who have the truth
within them, but they tell it not in words.
In the bosom of such as these the spirit
dwells in rhythmic silence.

When you meet your friend on the road-
side or in the market place, let the spirit in
you move your lips and direct your tongue.
Let the voice withing your voice speak to
the ear of his ear;
For his soul will keep the truth of your
heart as the taste of the wine is remembered
When the colour is forgotten and the
vessel is no more

From The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

im just now learning to breathe so pardon my failures.

Jolene

Cocaine flame in my bloodstream
Sold my coat when I hit Spokane
Bought myself a hard pack of cigarettes in the early morning rain
Lately my hands they don't feel like mine
My eyes been stung with dust, I'm blind
Held you in my arms one time
Lost you just the same
Jolene
I ain't about to go straight
It's too late
I found myself face down in the ditch
Booze on my hair
Blood on my lips
A picture of you, holding a picture of me
in the pocket of my blue jeans
Still don't know what love means
Still don't know what love means
Jolene
Ah, La, La, La, La, La
Jolene
Been so long since I seen your face
or felt a part of this human race
I've been living out of this here suitcase for way too long
A man needs something he can hold onto
A nine pound hammer or a woman like you
Either one of them things will do
Jolene
I ain't about to go straight
It's too late
I found myself face down in the ditch
Booze in my hair
Blood on my lips
A picture of you, holding a picture of me
In the pocket of my blue jeans
Still don't know what love means
Still don't know what love means
Jolene
La, La, La, La, La, La, La
Jolene
La, La, La, La, La, La, La
Jolene

-Ray Lamontagne from "Trouble"

Photo Blog

Heres some more SLR shots of spring.

Yesterday I felt more in the south than I ever had before. Some old son house blues played on the college radio station as I left the our new landlady's house, a copy of the signed lease in hand. Saturday sun beat down on my arm as I hung it out the window feeling the warm air with my hand. I am now officially on my way to being a SC resident. I will be staying in this house over the summer by myself to be joined by Mac, James, and Jonny come the fall. Expect cookouts, movie nights, and good conversations.
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Books and Movies

It looks like I might have a nice quiet house this summer. I plan on using my time to catch up on some reading, do some long intended recording, and learn some classical pieces on Guitar.
Heres a list of books I intend to read over the summer (an idealistic endeavor):

The Brothers Karamazov-Dostoevsky
The Idiot-Dostoevsky
A book of short stories by Kafka I've been wanting to finish
Flannery O' Conner's Short Stories, another compilation to finish.
John Keats, Complete Works
A collection of Emily Dickinson's Poetry (TBD)
Sex God-Rob Bell
Adventures in missing the point-Mclaren
Orthodoxy-Chesterton
Anthropology of music-Merriam

Now to copy Stu Cone's fantastic Idea...Any suggestions?

Movies I intend to watch (off the top of my head, there are more):

Children of Men
Eternal Sunshine of the spotless Mind
Little Miss Sunshine
Pan's Labyrinth
The Host


suggestions?

Breif Update

Schools almost done, heres an update.

A few blogs back I mentioned that I was going to pull out my 35mm SLR and snap some pictures of the beauty that is springtime. Now 30 dollars poorer for developing, I present a sampling of the results. These are a few of my favorites.












































































Other Events in my life? I went tothe formal (stag) and had great time, a few pictures from that: It was really fun .








































Theres so much more to write, but I don't have time. I am well, ready for summer. More on that later.

Fun With Film Processing

From Film:

    

Means, ends, and finally breathing

    A half empty bottle of Adderall lies somewhere around my room.  It gathers dust as evidence that no one is scrambling to find it in a half awake attempt to medicate their Attention Deficit Disorders.  ADD is a funny issue, some people claim it doesn't exist, other people claim to be totally debilitated by it.   For me, it does exist as not as a disorder of the way I think but rather an outcome.  I just think differently.  Which is okay, however, it only becomes a problem when I don't have the discipline to accomplish what I need to accomplish.  Discipline is not moving past my ADD but working within it.  Adderall for ADD is only effective longterm if used in order to help build patterns of discipline so that when off the ADD medicine a person finds themselves able to focus.
It is a problem in society today that rather than treating ADD with therapy and counseling in order to build discipline we simply medicate it.  The medication acts like a noise gate, cutting off all noise above and below a certain level so you only have a smaller range of frequencies coming out of the speakers. Because it cuts off the distracted effects of ADD often people just stop there.  But this does nothing to help you.  If you don't actively seek out discipline to help you focus and live more efficiently then in the long term you accomplish nothign but a break from your ADD.

    This is using what is intended as a means as an end.  The medicine is supposed to be used not as the final solution but in order to help you build discipline. 

    Sometimes in the church we use worship as an an end.  Singing becomes worship instead of the vehicle for worship.  An organized theology becomes the end goal rather than greater knowledge and intimacy with God.  We use standards as the end of spiritual development rather than the the means to spiritual development.
Rules are essential to discipline.  If we struggle with pornography it may be best to unhook from the internet for a while to keep from temptation.  This is a fence that you build to keep yourself safe so you can become stronger.   However if you don't struggle with pornography but you unhook he computer to keep yourself from temptation than whats the point?  It quickly becomes legalism as you are no longer keeping the rules for the glory of God but rather for the sake of the rules.  iN this way we use standards as the end rather than the means.  The image that following standards presents is a false image of godliness as it does not accurately represent the spiritual maturity of a person.
   
Can standards grow a person spiritually, yes.  But only if the spiritual maturity is there first in order to use the Standards as a vehicle to discipline and glorifying God. 

I apologize for typos, I didn't edit :)

I should be working but...

Man, I really should be working but blogging seems like so much more fun. Actually just about everything seems like more fun.  I would rather be:

Reading, writing something other than papers, taking pictures, drawing, painting, doing laundry, playing guitar, longboarding, .....

To make it worse I just got three netflix movies that are tempting me from the bookshelf.  Citizen Kane, Throne of Blood (Kurosawa's setting of Macbeth in feudal Japan, and The Battle of Algiers.  Anyone interested in seeing these movies let me know, because every movie is more enjoyable in good company!   I must resist the urge to watch them, I must!

Despite the young hooligans roaming the halls and liberally dousing themselves in Axe body spray, I managed to have a great weekend. I introduced Battlestar Galactica (the new one of course!) to a friend of mine.  Yeah, I think hes hooked.  After that I went to the Slates where we shared good conversation, laughter, and of course, coffee.  The best way to start the weekend is with good friends in my humble opinion. 

Saturday was a blur.  Literally just one big blob of guitar and attempted homework until I played a short set with Matt Rey.  We sang Nothing but the blood, I saw the light, and I had my vocal debut on The House Carpenter.  It was incredibly fun, Matt picked his Banjo and I strummed the guitar, it was invigorating to say the least. 

To cap off my weekend I attended the Poetry Meeting put on in clusters by Gina.  We all read something either our own verse, lyrics, music, our favorites by other authors contemporary and classic.  I shared some of my poetry (just one) and also read some Keats, Frost, and Gibran. It was a lovely three hours.  From there I wandered over to catch Joel  and Rachelle  watching the end of Monty Python's Search for the holy grail.  Some others wandered over for fellowship and we shared in a community for a while.  I left with a heart full of warmth and love.

The weekend was dripping with sepia

And don't forget that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.-The Prophet by Kilhal Gibran

I think seasons are beautiful. How can you enjoy one without the other? Summer prepares you for fall, which leads to winter, which prepares you to spring, which leads to summer in order to prepare you for the fall again. One can't help but be thankful when spring comes after a cold bleak winter. Summers end is always celebrated as the cool breeze marks changes in the trees.

This afternoon I couldn't help but sit down outside of the cafeteria after work and bask in the beauty of the sun setting behind the Dogwood.

Are seasons of life similar? Maybe they are. The broken heart may be the winter to love. The loneliness the summer that leads to the refreshing of community.

There is so much I've been meaning to write about, but too much for one blog. Things are busy. Life is still hard. A professor of mine has confessed that if he were a pagan, he would probably worship the moon. For me, I would worship light. Not the source mind you, sun or moon, just light. God reveals himself through light playing in the world.


For the breath of life is in the sunlight and the hand of life is in the wind-The Prophet by Kilhal Gibran







More Photos at www.flickr.com/photos/musicelevationaddict