Bye.
He winced at the finality of it, even as his finger lifted from the key struck. The small pixel hanging on the edge of his last instant messge stuck out like a blow to the head. He didn't mean to type it. It just sort of flowed out. He felt guilty, wondering what the person on the other end of line thought when they recieved the bludgeoning period. The other party signed off.
He leaned back in his chair, wrapping one arm across his chest while his other hand rubbed his chin in thought. The sudden abscense of Instant messaging conversations mde the room around him feel more empty. There was a faint hum from the speakers that rested the edge of the wooden shelf above his computer. He ignored it. The chair squeaked as he leaned farther back, sinking deeper into thoughts and silence, which welcomed him as an old friend. The bright computer screen blurred momentarily as he focused on what had just transpired.
Had some of his words come across wrong? For a moment this occupied his thoughts.
The Chair Squeaked again as he leaned forward, protesting against so much movement so late at night. The cursor blinked against the melancholy blue that made up his background in the Instant Messaging Window as if waiting for him to make a response to the sign off of the other conversant. He typed in the window.
Bye!
Cheerful, Expectant almost. Waiting for a confirmation of knowledge of ones departure. Or acknowledgement that one had enjoyed the conversation, and looked forward to another.
Continuing below what he had just typed he accidently struck the enter key.
Whynot84: Bye!
____________________________________________________________________
User Musicaddict2984 is not available
____________________________________________________________________
The automatic response startled him. It was like a sharp noise crashing out of the computer screen into his eyes. Refocusing, he pushed it out of his mind. He typed again.
Bye!
Being careful to hit the shift key with his left pinky finger first, he tapped the enter key with his right.
Bye
Bye!
Bye!!
He continued with several other ways to puncnuate the hackneyed farewell before stopping. Expanding the screen to be able to see them all stacked.
Reaching up, he turned off the speakers, cutting off the hum and increasing the silence.
Exasperated, the chair complained again, settling into a recline. His hand returned to his chin. He risked a glance at the clock in the bottom of the screen. It was late. But no matter.
He thought over the conversation in his mind. She had IM'd him first. Was he avoiding her? Unsure why, he told himself it was because he didn't want to talk to anyone. It had been a long day he was tired he wanted to be alone his fingers hurt.
MusicAddict2984: Hey
Seeing her window flash on top, he didn't acknowledge it right away. Its not the he was doing anything else important. The webpage infront of him shone with a greasy herald of an imminent blockbuster and all of its revolutionary breakthroughs. He scrolled to the end of the review. Not really reading it, just entertaining his eyes. He didn't want to seem like he was really excited to talk to her. He hit the refresh button a few times. Just to see what other stupid ads would pop up on the obnoxious border at the top of the page.
Whynot84: Hey!
Subconciously, or maybe less than he thought, he wanted her to think that he had been involved deeply in something else, just noticing her greeting when he found a break in the deep discussion that he wasn't having. In fact, she was the only person online.
Whynot84: How are you doing?
MusicAddict2984: Good. You?
Im great he thought, the taste of his own sarcasm left his mouth dry. He didn't respond right away. Why had her response been so short?
Good. You?
No smiley face or anything. Was she okay? He tried to imagine her sitting at her computer. Her expression in his mind changed as he clicked through different possiblities.
Sad. Morose. Angry. Bitter.
He had never seen her morose. Or bitter for that matter, but could imagine it.
Whynot84: Im good. What are you up to?
There was no response for few moments. Staring stupidly at the little window, he waited for it to blink while subsequently not blinking. She was probably talking to someone else. He felt a little unimportant for a moment. Finally he went back to refreshing the movie review page. This time a monkey came up on a white background with flashing letters above it. HIT THE MONKEY WITH A FIVE IRON TO WIN A FREE IPOD. As the monkey jumped around making stupid stereotyped monkey noises, a bag of golfclubs popped up as the mouse scrolled over it. He was about to throw a club out of frustration at the obnoxiousness of the ad when she responded.
MusicAddict2984: Im Good, Im going to bed. later
His heart dropped a little. She was going to bed? It was late, but he wanted the company. Had she been waiting for him to say something? Maybe to strike up a conversation of interest? Had she, like him, been waiting for response that would bring her some deep topic of thought to fill the time? Had he somehow let her down as her friend by not responding?
Whynot84: Okay! But how'd it go last night?
Trying to see if she did want to talk, he brought up a previous topic that went extremely well. In fact it was almost an inside joke. He made sure to add an exclamation mark to appear nonthreatening and friendly, trying to leave her no reason to think that he didn't mind chatting if she felt like it.
MusicAddict2984: Good. Have a good night!
Her response felt kind of empty. A response meant to pacify his attempts at communication. This bugged him. She might as well of not put an exclamation, he saw right through it.
Whynot84: Alright sleep good
He was a little bugged, so he didn't bother with a smiley or a exclamation. He didn't want to sound really peppy. Because he wasn't. Maybe she would notice and feel guilty. That wouldn't be so bad.
Whynot84: Bye.
User MusicAddict2984 signed off at 2:50 AM
He ran his fingers through his black hair, settling lower into his chair, his eyes closed as he finished running through the Conversation in his mind.. The dialogue meant nothing he told himself, he had no idea what she was really thinking.
User Whynot84 signed off at 3:20 AM
Quickly closing the computer to avoid temptation of checking his mail again, he got up, the chair complained one more time. He fell asleep quickly.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Monday, December 05, 2005
A Walk In The Rain
The raindrops fall in time with the notes dripping into my ears. Squeezing out of the pores of pieces of white plastic, some of it drips down on my shirt, staining it blue. My head is covered with the hood of my sweater, its bright orange enveloping my sight limiting my view of the world yet protecting my head from the rain. My leather sandals are black with the rain that has soaked through, cool against my feet. I rolled my pants up so they would not get soaked. The water splashs up as I walk, tickling the rolled hem. I feel like Im in some kind of delierium, Alone in a world. I turn without knowing why onto the brown sidewalk that has water running off it. I walk slowly. It doesn't rain too hard. I don't look up but occasionaly if someone passes me by. the music continues to keep me dry as I walk deliriously through and around the rain.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
more frustrations
I became acutely aware of the space between my heart and my lungs. The feelings of awkwardness filled the cavity causing my breath to catch quietly in my throat. My chest above my heart tightened. Cowardice the predominant motivator I turned away from the reminders, shifting to an uncomfortable position in my seat. Somewhere inside I had been returned to a place in my past. The smell of the trees in the distance and gravel seemed to spill out of the air conditioning. The gravel crunched beneath my feet as I pushed my large glasses higher on my face. Badly, I tried to relate to my peers. I walked the track alone. I didn't understand why I couldn't talk right. its alright though. I was only in the third grade. When I was older I wouldn't have this problem. The morning sun bounced of the surrounding trees and landed heavily on us as we walked the large dusty track. The light dipelled the mist that hung left over. The nights healing work complete, it lingered covering anything that the dew might of missed. Savoring it I closed my eyes. The pain hurt to much. I only closed them for a moment. Squeezing them shut in a moment of agony the smells of innocence stinging my nostrils with the dust of red clay mixed with gravel that slowly slipped away and out the open drivers side door. It floated towards the ground mixing with the wet dew of the night air, settling on the pavement, to be washed away. As we drove away the red clay and gravel dust stained my shoes.
frustration voiced in twelve point font
Sometimes I feel like a brick. Rough around the edges. its sharp corners are sharp. Although they don't mean to be. One time a little kid fell and cut her knee on me. I watched her from my place, at the end of a long short wall, only about seven or eight of us tall. Running, her young hair fluttered in her face but she didn't notice. Or care. She ran, her fingers innocently caressing the rough surface of the brick wall, stirring flakes of red that twitched under her touch before settling. Or if her fingers strayed close to the edge, the tiny flakes bounced silently off the wall, falling in ecstasy towards the deep waters immediatly below. They would see the world this way.
I saw her fall. Her steps thudded awkardly but with a determined gait. But the shoes, which her father had given her as a gift, had shoelaces that required constant attending to lest they become danger to the wearer, the blue imitation leather the bane of the distracted owner. the shoe lace floated uncaring with her gait, Lazily drifting behind her. Its taped end frayed slightly as it dragged against the ground for split seconds at a time, rising and falling. The mottled white cotton of the flat lace squeezed together in pain as her left foot stepped down on the right lace. Her right foot continued forward too thrilled with the whistling of wind in its ears to notice what was happening.
Her expression was one of shock as she was betrayed by those she least expected. One often does not expect thier apparel to turn on them and are always suprised when they do. She fell for years. It was her first time experiencing the exhilarating thrill of fear and danger and being unable to stop it. Her mouth opened forming words of horror she did not know. her eyes watched the ground approach, unbelieving in thier gaze, her hand shooting out to grab hold of the brick, the flake impressed in her hands as she grabbed hold.
She fell towards the wall so that I could clearly see her as she passed by. I longed to help her, to reach out with arms that I did not have and comfort her, catching her, consoling. Her knee hit surprisingly hard. In the world of physics I suppose it was only a light tap. She had caught the corner of the brick with her hand, which swung her towards and past me. Her right foot, still in shock at the judas it had harbored unwittingly even in mid step. scrambled to regain footing, but in its panic it simply propelled the knee toward a glancing blow with one brick out of dozens. Her skin caught on my rough surface, I could feel with all the grinding agony of nails on a chalkboard her skin scraping against mine. Nearly invisible they left a trail across my face, leaving tears of blood. This was the longest most agonizing part of her fall. Pain rippled through her young nerve system, opening pathways with such force as they had never experience. My whole being shuddered at the horror of it. It lasted years.
It was a glancing blow in the world of physics but it knocked me with unimaginble force. It shook the mortar that ensconed me. My concrete womb crumbled slightly, cracks appearing.
She hit the ground.
I was launched from my position by the weight of her young fall. the vibrations, taut with fear and horror and anger, shattered my hold on what had been my home as long as I can remember.
As I fell away I could see all around me for the first time. All at once as I don't really have eyes. The water, once the innocent rushing of blood in my ears, now roared closer, scaringme. I was stunned. Behind me I could see my refuge slowly drifting away. its gray cracked mortar looked cold. I could not return.
I paused mid air to examine her where she lay.
Her hands were still braced against the gravel of the Path. The sparkling gray dust created a mosaic on her hands with the red flakes and the blood. She feared to move them. Her head did not move as she looked straight ahead down the path, not yet recovered enought to survey any wounds, she lay in shock. It was her first fall.
Her eyes still filled with Fear and horror and anger slowly calmed. Fear, horror, and anger respectfully took thier bows, their time done, and rode away down her cheeks on the tears that cut wide and deep swathes of cleansed skin through the dust.
Satisfied for the moment, I resumed my descent.
I saw her fall. Her steps thudded awkardly but with a determined gait. But the shoes, which her father had given her as a gift, had shoelaces that required constant attending to lest they become danger to the wearer, the blue imitation leather the bane of the distracted owner. the shoe lace floated uncaring with her gait, Lazily drifting behind her. Its taped end frayed slightly as it dragged against the ground for split seconds at a time, rising and falling. The mottled white cotton of the flat lace squeezed together in pain as her left foot stepped down on the right lace. Her right foot continued forward too thrilled with the whistling of wind in its ears to notice what was happening.
Her expression was one of shock as she was betrayed by those she least expected. One often does not expect thier apparel to turn on them and are always suprised when they do. She fell for years. It was her first time experiencing the exhilarating thrill of fear and danger and being unable to stop it. Her mouth opened forming words of horror she did not know. her eyes watched the ground approach, unbelieving in thier gaze, her hand shooting out to grab hold of the brick, the flake impressed in her hands as she grabbed hold.
She fell towards the wall so that I could clearly see her as she passed by. I longed to help her, to reach out with arms that I did not have and comfort her, catching her, consoling. Her knee hit surprisingly hard. In the world of physics I suppose it was only a light tap. She had caught the corner of the brick with her hand, which swung her towards and past me. Her right foot, still in shock at the judas it had harbored unwittingly even in mid step. scrambled to regain footing, but in its panic it simply propelled the knee toward a glancing blow with one brick out of dozens. Her skin caught on my rough surface, I could feel with all the grinding agony of nails on a chalkboard her skin scraping against mine. Nearly invisible they left a trail across my face, leaving tears of blood. This was the longest most agonizing part of her fall. Pain rippled through her young nerve system, opening pathways with such force as they had never experience. My whole being shuddered at the horror of it. It lasted years.
It was a glancing blow in the world of physics but it knocked me with unimaginble force. It shook the mortar that ensconed me. My concrete womb crumbled slightly, cracks appearing.
She hit the ground.
I was launched from my position by the weight of her young fall. the vibrations, taut with fear and horror and anger, shattered my hold on what had been my home as long as I can remember.
As I fell away I could see all around me for the first time. All at once as I don't really have eyes. The water, once the innocent rushing of blood in my ears, now roared closer, scaringme. I was stunned. Behind me I could see my refuge slowly drifting away. its gray cracked mortar looked cold. I could not return.
I paused mid air to examine her where she lay.
Her hands were still braced against the gravel of the Path. The sparkling gray dust created a mosaic on her hands with the red flakes and the blood. She feared to move them. Her head did not move as she looked straight ahead down the path, not yet recovered enought to survey any wounds, she lay in shock. It was her first fall.
Her eyes still filled with Fear and horror and anger slowly calmed. Fear, horror, and anger respectfully took thier bows, their time done, and rode away down her cheeks on the tears that cut wide and deep swathes of cleansed skin through the dust.
Satisfied for the moment, I resumed my descent.
Monday, October 10, 2005
"Help Im on Fire!"
by Sekao Leniad
A Horrible poem/study in nosensical literature of the second century inspired by a strange mind and a western civ exam which will commence on the following morning of the night on which this was written
I once ran into my room
trying to hide from all the crazy nonsense
then there was a very loud boom
as the built up gas caught the burning incense
My sneakers melted with great speed
and stuck me fast to the pavement beneath my feet
Then I suddenly felt the great need
to hide from the tremendous pressure of the Heat
then as I nearly died
I cried
because my sneakers had melted
and my loud cries I belted
and could be heard for miles
not caring some change the dials
to see what else is on
as they pray for the rising of the dawn
but their tears fall in to the lake
that all worries fallen there do make
don't try to find your reflecrtion inside
or forever ther your gaze may abide
holding your gaze twisted thus it does
to you all you were trying to avoid because
escape you tried the heat around
but your sneakers melted to the ground
soft gooey rubber oozes puddled
your words come out hazy muddled
as you wish there someone had with you cuddled
before you bacame so thus befuddled
Sneakers now are almost gone
shoelaces catch fire near the end of thier song
now it seems it won't be long
till at your end strikes the resounding Gong
What happened to the Fat Lady that
usually closes each momentous event that begat
a crowd spewing forth from theaters and other venues fat
with money left where the people had sat
has she thus fallen ill with serious malady?
Our dear beloved singing fat lady?
or did she skip town changing name to Katie
in order to escape her mad lover Sadie
Sadie really was not a nice Guy
and many around the m wondered why
the nice fat lady would utter a sigh
as she looked lovingly as he said goodbye
fat lady come back and bring me my sneakers that melted in the nonsense lake
of worries that so muddled my thoughts that I thought sadie weas a nice guy
too why did you choose the name Katie?
Help Im on Fire!
by Sekao Leniad
A Horrible poem/study in nosensical literature of the second century inspired by a strange mind and a western civ exam which will commence on the following morning of the night on which this was written
I once ran into my room
trying to hide from all the crazy nonsense
then there was a very loud boom
as the built up gas caught the burning incense
My sneakers melted with great speed
and stuck me fast to the pavement beneath my feet
Then I suddenly felt the great need
to hide from the tremendous pressure of the Heat
then as I nearly died
I cried
because my sneakers had melted
and my loud cries I belted
and could be heard for miles
not caring some change the dials
to see what else is on
as they pray for the rising of the dawn
but their tears fall in to the lake
that all worries fallen there do make
don't try to find your reflecrtion inside
or forever ther your gaze may abide
holding your gaze twisted thus it does
to you all you were trying to avoid because
escape you tried the heat around
but your sneakers melted to the ground
soft gooey rubber oozes puddled
your words come out hazy muddled
as you wish there someone had with you cuddled
before you bacame so thus befuddled
Sneakers now are almost gone
shoelaces catch fire near the end of thier song
now it seems it won't be long
till at your end strikes the resounding Gong
What happened to the Fat Lady that
usually closes each momentous event that begat
a crowd spewing forth from theaters and other venues fat
with money left where the people had sat
has she thus fallen ill with serious malady?
Our dear beloved singing fat lady?
or did she skip town changing name to Katie
in order to escape her mad lover Sadie
Sadie really was not a nice Guy
and many around the m wondered why
the nice fat lady would utter a sigh
as she looked lovingly as he said goodbye
fat lady come back and bring me my sneakers that melted in the nonsense lake
of worries that so muddled my thoughts that I thought sadie weas a nice guy
too why did you choose the name Katie?
Help Im on Fire!
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