What's That? A Hint of Fall?

First, dear reader(s?), let me describe to you my surroundings. I sit in the computer lab at school, empty but for one other person who taps merrily at keys from around the corner. My legs are propped up on the desk in front of me and the thin chic dell keyboard is sitting on lap. For what ever reason the lab techs have apparently decided to not turn the lights on, but instead allow the natural light spilling from the broad windows facing campus to fill the room with a soft glow. The air outside is excited by a thread of chill air that seems to keep it constantly stirring. Like someone nervous with anticipation. All at once the feeling is tangible but constantly escaping, like smoke flowing and disappearing into the air around it. So a new season begins.
My current surroundings seem to reflect my mood, or maybe vice versa. I feel very relaxed, excited, but not anxious, moving but not rushed, content but not complacent. For the first time in a long time fall does not feel like a descent into the madness of school, but simply a slight shift in routine. I guess I am trying to say I feel very grounded. Having a home here seems to do that. For the first time, school and home are separate. I can come to school and do work, then leave and go home where I am free to relax and enjoy the evening without the constant blurring of lines. For whatever reason this distinction seems important to me. A necessary division so that neither the tension of work nor the relaxation of home overpowers the other.
I feel extremely motivated. I'm not sure why. Maybe I self actualized over the summer. I hear thats always motivating.
I've been thinking a lot, a usual past time for me that I indulge probably to the point of gluttony (although it should be noted here that quantity does not equal quality). And it has occurred to me that single people think about love and dating more than coupled people do. Probably because we are not busy embroiling ourselves in such practices, and thus are endowed with much more free time.
So i have been thinking a lot about love, arguing with professors about it discussing it with friends, turning it over and over till it doesn't make sense any more. Love to me is not the action, nor the emotion. It is not buying someone you love a gift or feeling like you are in love. these are the results of love. Love has got to be something much deeper. Something that cannot be imitated. Love to me is the core of our beings, the essence of what we do and why we do it. love is and its subject determines are actions. We are like mirrors half reflecting light. On one hand we reflect light, that is, God. He is the illumination of everything, he defines objects that otherwise would be shapeless in the dark. The light of God is the mother of beauty, and wherever beauty is found it is only reflects her inherited glory. On the other hand we reflect so much else, all darkness. Ourselves, lovers, objects, and in reflecting them we are enslaved. Coiled, trapped by the necessary reflection of this darkness. it is these competing loves, for God and all else that create a conflict within us. If we have a love of something in us, we have a desire to do an action. An emotion, and an action that is associated with that love. If we feel a strong emotion, it is because we are giving in to one love, it is tae. But it cannot completely take it all. this is where the choice occurs, If we have the love of God being over powered by the love of self, we do not act in opposition to to the emotion generated by love of self, but in favor of of the love of God and the emotion thus generated. Basically, love is never in opposition, but only in favor. Maybe this is a subtle distinction, but I believe it is important. It is not enough to say, Act against emotion. To act in Love is to automatically favor an emotion.